Growing up or being tricked?

Oh wait, I never signed any contract
Or did I just skipped to read any term?
I never possessed the caliber infact!
“A grown up I can never be” I affirm.

Passing years never told me
That it wasn’t just about birthdays
But progressing towards hardships;
Wasn’t about deafeating the monsters in the games
But quelling everyday with the monsters in the head

The music running on tape changed too fast
From rhymes, stanzas and tones of mellow
To all those soulful songs that wetted the pillow

Vacays that once meant playful smiles and fluffy snowflakes
Why are they now just an escape from stress and heart aches?
I wasn’t inform my tasks would alter
From dressing up my dolls and playing with toys
To fixing my played heart while trying to collect scattering joys

How I wish I knew,
Tears of pain while losing my favourite toy wasn’t as agonizing
As trying to hold onto tears of heartbreaks while maturing;                                               Wherein smiles are no more a healing tool;                                                                                           But curves to hide pain and fakes by a fool.

Just take me back to the time
When commitments were just pinky promises
That never broke;
Not agreements and regretting kisses.

I wish poems were just about reciting
Words were just about spellings and alphabets
Growing up took it’s toll
And poems are now my escape and words all about soul.